Love and Fear
by Jasper's Second Choice
Summary: Where there is love, there is always a certain amount of fear...Companion/Continuation of my story "Reflections". J/E. Rating may change in future chapters. Title may also change, currently it's a working title.


A/N: I own nothing. Characters and setting belong to Paramount. Song is "I've Got You (Under My Skin)" by Frank Sinatra. Please read, review, and enjoy. Constructive criticism is welcomed, flames will be lol'd at endlessly.

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Ezri smiled at her reflection in the mirror as she brushed a stray wisp of hair off of her forehead and stepped back to examine her appearance. She was off duty for the night and Julian was due to pick her up any minute for their date at Vic's 1960's Vegas casino and lounge. The dark blue, strapless dress Garak had designed for her to wear to Vic's set off her pale skin nicely, she thought, her spots disappearing under the neckline. She stepped into the low-heeled silver shoes he'd provided her just as the buzzer on her door rang, announcing Julian's arrival.

"Come in," she called out, turning and exiting the bathroom. The door slid open and Julian entered.

"OW!" Ezri cried out, as she tripped over her own feet, courtesy of the unwieldy shoes she was unaccustomed to. "Hi Julian," she said, catching herself on a chair and regaining her balance.

_Damn shoes. I'm going to kill Garak, _she thought to herself as she put on her bright smile for Julian.

"Ezri! Are you okay?" Julian asked, a hint of a smile coming to his lips. He'd told her time and again not to wear those shoes, since she obviously had a hard time walking in them, but she was bound and determined to learn. If women in Vic's time could do it, why shouldn't she be able to? He took her hand and steadied her himself.

"I'm fine, Julian. Really. I've done that so many times now, I've practically made it an art form." Ezri said, smiling sheepishly.

"Well, that's true, I suppose," Julian teased, wrapping his arms around her. "You look beautiful, as always," he said softly. "Shall we be off to Vic's, then?" he asked, half-releasing her but leaving one arm securely around her waist.

"Definitely," Ezri said, a slight blush still on her face from his compliment. She knew he loved this dress on her-he always did, and made no effort to conceal the fact-but it still made her blush to hear him say it. They left her quarters, and headed for the turbolift which would take them to the promenade and Quark's.

"Hey, Pally!" Came the familiar booming voice of Vic Fontaine as Julian and Ezri entered the holosuite.

"Hi, Vic," Julian said with a smile. "How's things tonight?"

"Ah, can't you see? It's a great crowd here." And with a sweep of his arm, all the seats but two, front and centre at a small table, were filled with people, dining, laughing, and talking as Vic's band played soft background music. "Any requests tonight?" he asked. Julian and Ezri looked at each other, then both shook their heads. "Alrighty then! Enjoy yourself, Pally! And might I say," he continued, turning to Ezri, "that you are looking particularly lovely this evening." Ezri blushed again.

"Ah, Vic. Don't be trying to steal her away from me, now," Julian said with a grin.

"Never, Pally. But just 'cause I ain't trying to steal her away doesn't mean I can't appreciate the beauty she brings to my joint." With a smile and a wink, Vic turned and moved with an inhuman smoothness back onto the stage. It was only at moments like that that they remembered Vic was, in fact, a hologram and not a person. The lines became extremely blurred sometimes. "Under my skin, boys," he said to his band as he turned to his microphone. The music began to flow out of their instruments as Vic sang.

_I've got you under my skin  
I've got you deep in the heart of me  
So deep in my heart that you're really a part of me  
I've got you under my skin_

"Oh, I love this one…I've heard Vic do it once before. It's beautiful," Ezri sighed. She rested her head on the hand that was not entwined with Julian's, her elbow planted on the table. She felt her other arm move and looked over to see Julian had stood.

"Dance with me, Ezri?" he asked her, his wide brown eyes staring directly into her clear blue ones.

"I'll manage to hurt you somehow, I'm sure…I can barely walk in these, despite my best efforts," she reminded him.

"I won't let you fall. I promise," Julian said, pulling her up gently. "You love the song…so we should dance. I'll teach you," he said, shooting her the slow smile that he knew she couldn't resist.

"I take no responsibility for anything that I might accidentally do to you," Ezri said, smiling but allowing Julian to pull her a few feet to the side, to a small space cleared of tables. He wrapped one arm tightly around her waist and clasped her opposite hand in his, leaving her to lay her free hand on his shoulder. Slowly they moved around the dance area to the sound of Vic's voice.

_I would sacrifice anything come what might  
For the sake of havin' you near  
In spite of the warning voice that comes in the night_

That was the only song they danced to that night. They sat close together the rest of the evening, about an hour, holding hands and listening to Vic's music. When Vic finished for the evening, Ezri leaned over and kissed Julian on the cheek.

"Should we see what's going on downstairs in Quark's?" she asked.

"Sure, that sounds like fun," Julian agreed. They stood and walked towards the exit of the holosuite. "Night, Vic," he said over his shoulder.

"Night, Pally. You two enjoy yourselves."

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Quark's was, as usual, mayhem. There was a ship of Klingons staying on the station so there was much riotous drinking and laughing happening. Holding tight to each other's hands, Ezri and Julian wove their way through the crowd.

"Ezri! Julian!" an excited voice cut through the crowd. They looked for the source of the call and found it, at a table with a few of their friends seated at it.

"Leeta!" Ezri said, letting go of Julian's hand and moving as quickly as her unwieldy shoes would allow her. "What are you doing here?" she asked her friend, hugging her. "Shouldn't you and Rom be on Ferenginar?"

"Rom is. But there was a transport coming this way and I missed everyone! So I decided to come visit. Of course, now I miss Rom," she said, a frown crossing her pretty face, "But he's coming in a few days!"

"Well, I'm glad you're here!" Ezri said enthusiastically. She turned to Julian who had finally arrived at the table after his pace had slowed significantly. "Julian, look! Leeta came to visit." Julian couldn't help but smile at her over-enthusiasm, so typical of Ezri.

"Hi, Leeta. How's Ferenginar?" he asked.

"Wet. But Rom is the most wonderful Nagus!" Leeta turned back to her chair and sat down again, followed closely by Ezri and Julian, who took seats next to each other on the other side of the table.

"So you two finally got it together, huh?" Leeta asked. "I was kinda thinking you never would." She grinned. "Ezri, we'll have to talk. I'll have to warn you about this thing Julian does…" she trailed off into giggles. Ezri grinned. "We'll talk."

Julian sat with his elbows on the table, unsmiling.

"You OK, Julian?" asked Kira.

"Oh, Julian, you know I was just joking," Leeta said.

"No, no. I'm fine. I'm just…distracted. I'm…thinking about some research I had to do…bacteria that affects Cardassians…I think I've just had a breakthrough, but I have to check some facts…Ezri, do you mind if I leave early? I've really got to check this out."

"No…it's ok Julian," she said, "go ahead. I'll see you tomorrow?"  
"Yeah, tomorrow…" Julian said, obviously distracted and already standing up to leave. He turned and walked out of Quark's without another word.

"Is it just me, or was that weird?" Kira asked.

"No, it was weird. It's like he all of a sudden shut off…he's been wonderful all night. There was definitely more to that than research," Ezri said. "I hope I haven't said or done something wrong. Do you think I shouldn't have laughed at your comment, Leeta?" she asked.

"I don't think that's it…but I don't know what got into him all of a sudden," Leeta said, shrugging.

"I guess I'll just get him to explain tomorrow, if I can," Ezri decided. "If he wants to do his research, or, well, whatever it is he wants to do, there's not much I can do about it now. I'm going to go up to the bar and get a drink. I think Quark is hiding from all the Klingons. Can I get a refill for anyone else?"

An hour or so later, Ezri's comm badge beeped.

"Bashir to Dax."

"Dax here."

"Ezri. I need to talk to you. When you have a moment, could you meet me at my quarters?"

"Sure, Julian. I'm on my way." Ezri stood up. "I guess I'm about to find out what's going on. Why don't I have a good feeling about this?" she asked her friends.

"It'll be fine, Ezri. I'm sure Julian's got a perfectly good explanation. He usually does," Leeta said. "Maybe he really was just doing research, and finished early."

"Yeah, maybe," Ezri said. _But I doubt It, _she thought.

Standing in font of Julian's quarters, Ezri took a deep breath.

"It's ok." She muttered to herself. "Everything's fine." She couldn't shake the feeling though, that the line she and Julian had discussed not crossing was about to be broken, and that not only was she losing someone she loved, but also one of her closest friends. Her hand shaking, she reached for the buzzer for his door.

"Come on in, Ezri," came Julian's voice, barely audible through the door. The door slid open, and she entered. He was sitting on the couch, still wearing his tux though with the jacket removed and the shirt untucked. "Come sit down," he invited, patting the couch beside him. Ezri slipped off her shoes but still moved slowly to the couch.

"I'm sorry I left so abruptly," Julian said.

"It's ok," Ezri replied softly.

"I wasn't really doing research," he admitted.

"I figured," she said.

"Yeah…yeah I guess you would have," he said sheepishly.

"What's going on, Julian? I don't know if I can take this."

"Well, see…" he paused.

"Yes?" Ezri prompted. "You're killing me here, Julian…I really thought we were past the awkward stage…" she looked at him with pleading eyes, her heart sinking. There was no joy on his face.

"I'm sorry. This is…not easy. I'm still sorting through it myself," Julian said, looking down at the couch. "Ezri, these last couple of months have been…incredible. You're the most beautiful, loving woman I've ever met. You are so genuinely caring and friendly. But…I'm not good at long term relationships. I used to be, but I'm not anymore. I kept losing people. So, after a few months, I tend to get this little voice in the back of my head, yelling at me to get out before I get hurt."

"I understand. I'll go now so that you don't have to continue. I can see how much saying this is hurting you. I don't want to cause that." She turned, heading for her shoes and the door. Julian caught her hand.

"No, Ezri. Wait, please. Let me finish."

"Julian, don't make me, please," Ezri said. "I don't want to hear you say that you don't want me anymore. I understand. Please don't make me hear you say the words."

"Ezri, please." Julian's eyes were pleading as he stared directly into hers. Reluctantly, she slowly sat beside him again, staring at her hands.

"Tonight, that voice started screaming at me while you and Leeta were talking. That's why I left. I couldn't stay while all I could think was _Get out, get out you damn fool before you get hurt._ But then I came here. I came here, and I sat, and thought. And I realized something."

Ezri looked up, her eyes still rimmed with tears.

"I realized that I can't end this. If I'm going to lose you, I'm sure as hell not going to be the cause of it."

"Julian…" she whispered.

"I love you, Ezri. Please forgive me for even thinking these things."

"Of…course, Julian," she said raggedly, the tears beginning to fall from her eyes. He brought a hand to her face to gently wipe them away with his thumb.

"Don't cry," he said.

"I can't help it. I was so sure, when I came here, that you were planning to leave me. But then, to hear what you said…I didn't know…I thought, I mean…I wanted to…I…oh Julian, you idiot, I love you too." She smiled through her tears as she looked at him. He smiled.

"And why, may I ask, am I an idiot?" he asked, moving closer to her.

"For even thinking about leaving me," she replied softly.

"You do have a point," he said, before placing his hand on the back of her head and pressing his lips firmly to hers.


End file.
